I know fall doesn't start for another month, but in the last week temperatures have dropped nearly 20 degrees. For example, it is only 48ºF right this minute. Not bad if it was November, December, January, or February. But it isn't and we are refusing to accept that summer may be over this year.
Which is why we are sitting at the breakfast table in shorts and tee-shirts wrapped in blankets.
Daughter had a choice. #3 singles and occasional doubles on varsity, or #1 singles on JV. She worked terribly hard and … well, pick your metaphor to say "a lot harder than most kids seemed to work". I would have pushed her to go varsity and face the fact that she would lose a few, if not most matches. Call it character building.
Her decision surprised me. She picked JV. And now she is the team captain. Which means she is working twice as hard as she would have if she were on varsity. Now she has a group of peers to help achieve a goal of a winning season.
This compromise is one I am happy to make.
Ted Kennedy has died.
It wasn't until I started to think about what I know, and started to hear reports of his private actions as a senator that I realized he was a great man. I mentioned this at work and was immediately told of all the bad things that he had admittedly done. This lead to an interesting discussion about the difference between good and great.
A good person does many things that are admirable and few that lessen their value in the view of others. Mother Theresa is the consummate good person. A great person is, to me, one who has made mistakes, acknowledges those mistakes, then overcomes not only the consequences of those mistakes, but adapts themselves to become as good a person as possible. The great person may never be "good" because, his mistakes, as in Ted Kennedy's case, may haunt them the for rest of their lives. The great, though, accepts the ghost of the past, and fights to show that even the fallen can change the world.
Ted Kennedy was a great man. Let us remember how he fell from grace and how he worked to redeem his name.
I wish this post involved a commode, but it doesn't. The head in question is the one on my shoulders. It happened like this. A while back I was "forced" to do something that I felt was needlessly placing extra effort on my shoulders. As time passed additional changes happened and eventually things broke. The solution that "they' come up with involved more work for me. Big deal, right?
Well if you are like me it is. The problem isn't the work, but the constant push to do things over the objections of the one to whom things are being pushed. It is not just "unfair" it is unjust. And here is where we start to see the core of the issue. Justice may not be mine to claim or enforce. Have I been unjust in my "pushing" things to others? What about laundry, or dinner? Maybe mowing the grass or racking leaves? How can I cry for justice in this situation when in all likelihood I have stood in violation of the very justice I desire?
And here is where I start to look for a hiding place. Ready? If you look at the times you are "righteously indignant" how often does that righteousness extend beyond the one incident in question? I bet it is not as far as you think it is.
We should not give up on justice. Without it we are lost. At the same time we must make sure that we bring credit to the justice we demand by making sure that our actions exhibit the very justice we are seeking. At all times.
Mrs and I were sitting at a café having a coffee. We were talking about our lives when I asked her "what is the the purpose of our lives?" She replied with a list of goals that we both agreed are very important to us. As we talked about what I really meant by purpose, we came to realize that our various plans for life had little to do with what we felt the purpose of our lives is to be. The thing is, until that moment I had never really separated the two concepts. Here is what we left that café with.
1. Our goals for our lives should show that we are living our purpose.
2. Our purpose is the why behind all our actions.
If I believe that my purpose in life is to leave an inheritance for my kids, then my goals should all show savings and sane investment. If my purpose is humanitarianism then all my actions should be driven by my love of mankind.
We all have a purpose whether we choose to admit it or not. Until we come to grips with our purpose though, we can never find satisfaction in achieving our goals.
It seems to me that disagreements are just a fact of life. Somethings don't matter, say which is better, chocolate or strawberry ice cream? Other things do matter, such as is slavery wrong? The worst case though is that one person thinks the issue is unimportant while the other finds it extremely important. This is there I find myself with Mrs. Often. Sometimes I think an issue is not important other times she will think an issue is unimportant. What do you do?
You argue. Not the raised voices kind (although that does happen), but the classic debate style of argue. You have to explain your position in such a way that the other person sees the issue with the same importance as you. Keep in mind that at the same time, you must try to see the other persons position as well. They may be right and you may need to change your position.
There are two problems that I frequently run into with debating the importance of an issue:
The first point is where I feel most shouting matches start. I feel it, but don't know it. I get frustrated, throw in a little bit of attitude and you get full blown anger. From there name calling is just a shoulder shrug away. You have you be "big enough" to say:
I don't know why I feel this way right now. Can we talk about this after dinner so I can figure out how I feel?
Of course you have to give the other person the same courtesy. Don't forget that you need to be the person you want others to be to you. Take the time given, shut yourself away, and figure it out. Don't give up until you know what you feel and why you feel it. Anything else and you have proven that you don't care enough about the other person to really have a right to disagree.
The second point is one that is easier, if not more time consuming, to overcome. Learn what words mean. Not the absolute definition, although that helps, but what the difference is between closely related words. Take love and like. It is not uncommon to say "i love ice cream". While there is nothing wrong with this sentence, what does it do to love when you then say "I love you dear"? Wouldn't it be better to say "I like ice cream, but I love you dear'"? Misusing a word lessens its value. Use the right words. All the time. If you think this is pedantic, consider the fact that trademarks exist for just this reason.
What is my point? Disagreements happen and are not bad. Take the time know your reasoning and explain it clearly then give an honest listen to the other party. From this base consensus can be built and progress will be made, together.
Now I need to go practice what I preach with Mrs. I owe her an explanation.
She made it. She worked hard, focused, overcame obstacles and is currently #2. Who cares that she isn't #1, she shouldn't even be competing in the top 10 if you consider experience, and total time playing. Hard work and dedication. She is successful. It is the happy, beautiful, contented smile on her face when she says "I am number 2!"
My daughter is my hero. Someday, if I follow her example, I will be as successful as she is.
