Intentions don't count

Does the title seem harsh? It does to me, but I can't seem to convince myself that it is wrong. We all have intentions to do or say things. It is easy to believe that all these intentions are good, at least they seem good at the time. What I am unable to shake from the back of my head is the fact that it is what we actually do that really matters. If I "intend" to get the wife a gift but never actually get it what is actually counted? Sure she will say "it is the thought that counts" but let's be honest with ourselves, the actions are the important part. The example of the gift for Mrs, seems innocuous. What if we change that example to "love your child" or "feed the hungry" or "stay faithful to my spouse".

Great intentions, but not following through with those is … you get the point, right?

Winter Wood

Occasionally we get a chance to see the value we bring to others. A thank you, a concerned query about your health, a request for help. Today I was asked to help find some heating wood for the winter. I don't buy firewood for my place, but I do know a little about the local suppliers, so I offered as much help as I could. The most significant part of the conversation to me was the answer to my question about why I was being asked: "I figured you would know, and I know you wouldn't send me in the wrong direction".

While I may not know much about firewood, I now know a bit more about my value to at least one person.

Untitled

No I didn't forget to change the title.

I am struggling to have a title. Each of these posts has a title. I have a title at work. I have one in my home. Folks have one for me. I have titles for everyone else. What I don't know is what title I want to use for myself. The few that spring immediately to mind are either arrogant or derogatory, a reflection of the pride and self-esteem issues I have fought for years.

But these are not me. I am not sure what me is. One would think that by this time in my life I would have some kind of idea. I don't.

So for now I choose to be untitled. It is kind of refreshing, you should try it.

Listening ear

There is a guy at work that I have a great privilege of hanging out with on a weekly basis. It isn't just "hanging out" as much as is it "delve the dark recesses of our spiritual and personal existence with a rescue party in tow". Garry and I share some of the same fears, troubles and happiness in life. Excellent jobs that seem unfulfilling but pay the bills. Loving wives to whom we are devoted. Kids that make our lives so easy that we have trouble finding legitimate things to complain about. A spiritual walk that is grounded and lived out. The thing we share most though is a feeling that we are missing the boat. That life has passed us by. That we are casualties of the war men fight to "do the right thing". Yet we know that this feeling is wrong.

It is that last point that showed me the idiocy of my previous way of dealing with life. For 20 years I fought an internal battle with myself, alone, wounded, slowly bleeding to death. It wasn't until Garry and I started talking that I realized I was one of many lying in a hospital waiting to recover. Funny thing is the wounds are self inflicted. My isolation, self imposed isolation, prevented me from getting the type of "kick in the pants" I needed.

I am not saying that "hanging out" with someone is what helped me see the reality of my life. It was, is, Garry's willingness to listen and comment that has been the biggest help to me. I hope that I might someday repay that favor.

What is really important?

Let me start with the obvious. I don't know. What I do know is that many things that we think are important are not. Things like school, jobs, "quality time", being right. That last one is the big one.

After a fight with the daughter I wonder if importance is less of an absolute scale, a zero to ten rank, and more of a relational scale. Something like X is more important than Y but less important than Q and on line with T. Then the next day you find that T is more important than Q so now X is also more important than Q as well. I am convinced that the reality is this relational scale is the only real way to determine what is and is not really important.

The problem is that when we change the importance of T should we really have elevated X as well? Or do we simply maintain the T and X relationship out of habit? I am willing to bet that habit is the driver more than a real evaluation of X. Big stinking deal. Except that if we don't really evaluate X then we are now moving away from the relational scale and back to the absolute scale.

I am not saying that we should map out all that relationships between that "things" that are important to us and reevaluate this map every moment of every day. What I am saying is that we should be cognizant that what is important today may not be as important tomorrow. Likewise, what is unimportant today me be the most important thing tomorrow.

One of our jobs as parents, is to demonstrate this to our kids by making sure that we place the right level of importance on what we do.

Ratios

I am actually pretty good with math. I just "get it". The daughter "gets it" too. most of the time. Not tonight though. Which makes it that much more frustrating when she keeps interrupting me in the middle of the explanation of a problem. I know she can get this.

I guess this highlights the unspoken "ratio problem" that parents never seem to really talk about: are we as parents really up to the job? We know that the kids are smarter than us, better looking, more athletic, the hope of the future. We are relics of the past, decaying away into worn out nearly useless antiques of a bygone era. The ratio does not look to be balanced in our favor.

We can change this though. Learn to provide instruction without showing anger. Direct the frustration away from the relationship with the child. Learn to say "I don't know". At least then we can hold our heads high when our kids realize that we really didn't know what we were doing and proclaim "at least we were honest!"

I need to go work on my ratios.

Bad planning

The title should be "no planning" if you want to know the truth. As in "I did not plan my time and now I have no idea what to write about."

Which is not really the right thing to say on your daily blog post.

human rights

The health care debate is being fought on the wrong front. All we need to answer is one question. Is access to health care a fundamental right of any human? Once you have decided this question there is no argument left to be had. If you answer "no" then there is no obligation to provide health care. If you answer "yes" then the only legitimate option is universal coverage paid for by a universal tax.

Either way, the current debate is a "hoax" that is distracting us, the American people, from looking at the real issue that confronts us. Namely, do we love our neighbors as a free people should?

one win != winning

I know, I know. One win does not make a winning streak. But man it feels good.

Losing

She lost. Again. Everyone knows she can play. Even the coach from the other team asked us if it was all "head" problems. There isn't much we can do except keep encouraging and trying to find new ways to support her. Man is it tough! On one hand you want to yell. On the other you want to cry. I can see the frustration build in her face until she collapses under the weight of it and gives up on a match. But she goes back out there and plays again. Never quitting, just starting over.

Whoever discovered water was the most erosive force on earth, must have had a daughter who refused to give up no matter how many marks were in the loss column. The sweat and tears on the side lines are nothing compared to those left on the court.

Lesser of two evils

Following the rules is not easy. Especially when you don't agree with the rules you are following. But the worst, in my opinion, is when you agree with the rules, but someone or something causes you to be in direct conflict with rules. When that happens it becomes a game of choosing the lesser of two evils.

On one hand you have the rule that will be violated. You will be a rule breaker. On the other the conflict that will result from you following the rules. You will be a square, stickler, a goody two shoes. There is no win-win here, just win-lose. Which side you wind up on really doesn't matter at the end of the day, as long as you know that you make the best decision you could have made at the time.

Which is why so many of my bad decision seemed so right at the time, and so many of my good decisions looked so bad when I made them.

Criticism without authority

I was recently, and quite correctly, told to shut up. The topic was whether a book was good or not. I as a completely untrained, but experienced reader had a preference that I was expressing. But when I started to weigh in on the structure, plot, and character development, my preferences became worthless. At first I was offended by this, but a little be later the conversation turned to computers. Suddenly the tables were turned. This is something I have authority to discuss.

All to often I find that folks mistake authority for opinion when it comes to expressing themselves. Opinion is fine when the evaluation is qualitative or subjective, where expressing a preference is the idea. It is when we turn to quantitative evaluations, where fact, evidence, precedence and accepted best practice are important that we need to look to authorities for guidance.

Authorities are made. These folks have established the right to stand up and say "this is the way it is". We can question and disagree, but an authority has a track record that establishes them as a voice of expertise. This right is not always granted in the expected ways. Sometimes a degree will grant authority to a person, sometimes a life of service, sometimes it is simply a history of "being right".

In my discussion about the value of a book, I was leveling my opinion against another person's authority derived from being 1) an author 2) a professor 3) an editor. My technical criticism of the book was about as legitimate as his opinion about the value of 32 bit operating systems in an modern computing environment. We both knew the same words, but only one of us had earned the right to use them critically.

Fast forward a few hours and I need to talk to the daughter about a little problem we have brewing. Nothing big, but an opportunity to make a big mistake. If we get into a battle of opinions neither of us will win. If we can agree on who has established a right to be the authority on the subject, an expert in the field, then we can actually make progress to a solution.

It is not the authority of strength, but the authority of experience that has the right to say "shut up and listen".

The OCD in each of us.

I am not OCD unless you consider my seeming to think all dirty socks should live on the floor and not in the laundry basket an indicator (which means that every teenager and every male of the species is OCD). Funny thing is that I am noticing clear signs of OCD in the everyday actions of folks around me, including myself. The best part about this is the absolute ridiculousness of this "OCD light". Example:

• If I wear "the wrong shoes" to work I feel off. Not that I particularly like my work shoes, but with my boots on (like today) I find it very difficult to focus on anything but my footwear.
• Sugar cubes for my coffee, not packets or spoons. I know there is no difference, but coffee with cubes is just right.
• My parking spot. If someone parks in "my spot" the entire day is just off.

Seriously, does it really matter that my knees are a little higher when I sit at my desk? Why does the purl of the boot sock draw my mind away from the meeting? IT IS JUST FOOTWEAR! And yet it ruled my day.

I know I am not alone in these tendencies. I see it in church, in restaurants, at the grocery store. We are creatures of habit to the point of distraction. We need to remember this when we are dealing with others.

My pen

I'll admit it, my memory for things like tasks and where I left my pants, has never been all that good. As I am getting older it is getting worse. Ask me about a book that I read in 3rd grade and I am likely to recite the entire text including page numbers. Ask me my phone number or address and I will need a phone book. Being the person that I am I eventually remembered to do something about this little problem of mine and I bought one of those smart pens. Boy-O-Boy what an invention! Easy to decipher notes, recording of conversations so I don't miss my "to-dos", where was this thing when I was in school?!

Now if only I could find the pen…

Refusing to let go of summer

I know fall doesn't start for another month, but in the last week temperatures have dropped nearly 20 degrees. For example, it is only 48ºF right this minute. Not bad if it was November, December, January, or February. But it isn't and we are refusing to accept that summer may be over this year.

Which is why we are sitting at the breakfast table in shorts and tee-shirts wrapped in blankets.

Good compromise

Daughter had a choice. #3 singles and occasional doubles on varsity, or #1 singles on JV. She worked terribly hard and … well, pick your metaphor to say "a lot harder than most kids seemed to work". I would have pushed her to go varsity and face the fact that she would lose a few, if not most matches. Call it character building.

Her decision surprised me. She picked JV. And now she is the team captain. Which means she is working twice as hard as she would have if she were on varsity. Now she has a group of peers to help achieve a goal of a winning season.

This compromise is one I am happy to make.

Good vs. Great

Ted Kennedy has died.

It wasn't until I started to think about what I know, and started to hear reports of his private actions as a senator that I realized he was a great man. I mentioned this at work and was immediately told of all the bad things that he had admittedly done. This lead to an interesting discussion about the difference between good and great.

A good person does many things that are admirable and few that lessen their value in the view of others. Mother Theresa is the consummate good person. A great person is, to me, one who has made mistakes, acknowledges those mistakes, then overcomes not only the consequences of those mistakes, but adapts themselves to become as good a person as possible. The great person may never be "good" because, his mistakes, as in Ted Kennedy's case, may haunt them the for rest of their lives. The great, though, accepts the ghost of the past, and fights to show that even the fallen can change the world.

Ted Kennedy was a great man. Let us remember how he fell from grace and how he worked to redeem his name.

Exploding head

I wish this post involved a commode, but it doesn't. The head in question is the one on my shoulders. It happened like this. A while back I was "forced" to do something that I felt was needlessly placing extra effort on my shoulders. As time passed additional changes happened and eventually things broke. The solution that "they' come up with involved more work for me. Big deal, right?

Well if you are like me it is. The problem isn't the work, but the constant push to do things over the objections of the one to whom things are being pushed. It is not just "unfair" it is unjust. And here is where we start to see the core of the issue. Justice may not be mine to claim or enforce. Have I been unjust in my "pushing" things to others? What about laundry, or dinner? Maybe mowing the grass or racking leaves? How can I cry for justice in this situation when in all likelihood I have stood in violation of the very justice I desire?

And here is where I start to look for a hiding place. Ready? If you look at the times you are "righteously indignant" how often does that righteousness extend beyond the one incident in question? I bet it is not as far as you think it is.

We should not give up on justice. Without it we are lost. At the same time we must make sure that we bring credit to the justice we demand by making sure that our actions exhibit the very justice we are seeking. At all times.

Goal vs Purpose

Mrs and I were sitting at a café having a coffee. We were talking about our lives when I asked her "what is the the purpose of our lives?" She replied with a list of goals that we both agreed are very important to us. As we talked about what I really meant by purpose, we came to realize that our various plans for life had little to do with what we felt the purpose of our lives is to be. The thing is, until that moment I had never really separated the two concepts. Here is what we left that café with.

1. Our goals for our lives should show that we are living our purpose.

2. Our purpose is the why behind all our actions.

If I believe that my purpose in life is to leave an inheritance for my kids, then my goals should all show savings and sane investment. If my purpose is humanitarianism then all my actions should be driven by my love of mankind.

We all have a purpose whether we choose to admit it or not. Until we come to grips with our purpose though, we can never find satisfaction in achieving our goals.

Disagreement

It seems to me that disagreements are just a fact of life. Somethings don't matter, say which is better, chocolate or strawberry ice cream? Other things do matter, such as is slavery wrong? The worst case though is that one person thinks the issue is unimportant while the other finds it extremely important. This is there I find myself with Mrs. Often. Sometimes I think an issue is not important other times she will think an issue is unimportant. What do you do?

You argue. Not the raised voices kind (although that does happen), but the classic debate style of argue. You have to explain your position in such a way that the other person sees the issue with the same importance as you. Keep in mind that at the same time, you must try to see the other persons position as well. They may be right and you may need to change your position.

There are two problems that I frequently run into with debating the importance of an issue:

1. Knowing my position and why I hold it.
2. Being able to articulate the the why once I know it.

The first point is where I feel most shouting matches start. I feel it, but don't know it. I get frustrated, throw in a little bit of attitude and you get full blown anger. From there name calling is just a shoulder shrug away. You have you be "big enough" to say:

I don't know why I feel this way right now. Can we talk about this after dinner so I can figure out how I feel?

Of course you have to give the other person the same courtesy. Don't forget that you need to be the person you want others to be to you. Take the time given, shut yourself away, and figure it out. Don't give up until you know what you feel and why you feel it. Anything else and you have proven that you don't care enough about the other person to really have a right to disagree.

The second point is one that is easier, if not more time consuming, to overcome. Learn what words mean. Not the absolute definition, although that helps, but what the difference is between closely related words. Take love and like. It is not uncommon to say "i love ice cream". While there is nothing wrong with this sentence, what does it do to love when you then say "I love you dear"? Wouldn't it be better to say "I like ice cream, but I love you dear'"? Misusing a word lessens its value. Use the right words. All the time. If you think this is pedantic, consider the fact that trademarks exist for just this reason.

What is my point? Disagreements happen and are not bad. Take the time know your reasoning and explain it clearly then give an honest listen to the other party. From this base consensus can be built and progress will be made, together.

Now I need to go practice what I preach with Mrs. I owe her an explanation.

On success

She made it. She worked hard, focused, overcame obstacles and is currently #2. Who cares that she isn't #1, she shouldn't even be competing in the top 10 if you consider experience, and total time playing. Hard work and dedication. She is successful. It is the happy, beautiful, contented smile on her face when she says "I am number 2!"

My daughter is my hero. Someday, if I follow her example, I will be as successful as she is.

Coons part two

We finally got one. This morning we had a coon in the trap. Looking guilty with all its handy work as a back drop, it was huddled right up against the door. I had resolved to destroy the animal, assuming I caught one, but now I had to figure out how. In a giant flash of inspiration it dawned on me that I could call the animal control folks and the village might take care of it for me (in reality it was the Mrs. idea, but I stole it!). A phone call later I found out that I had the right to destroy the animal by state law, but in fact there was no humane way to terminate a coon. Not only that, but it is forbidden to release an animal into the wild without a license. Oh and transporting it if also "against the law". Finally releasing it into the village is a violation as well. Here I am, coon in a cage, trying to pick which law to break.

…

I hope the ability to show mercy is what separates us from the animals. I will go to jail willingly for this crime.

Putting it off till tomorrow

Procrastination is not the right name for it. It isn't a lack of desire to do the job, but succumbing to the realization that starting now will be more difficult than starting the job when there is time to complete it. The problem is that there is never enough time to do the job right. Today it was groceries. Tomorrow it will be tennis and the lawn. The day after will be garden time with the boy.

Am I lazy? Not really. Once I get started the job will get done and it will be darn near perfect. More then likely I will never start though. Tomorrow will be a better time to start.

it is a quagmire of self doubt and self pity that will reduce your life to a series of unstarted tasks that never get done. I know. I am putting mine off until tomorrow.

Bad attitude

The daughter is not well. Lots of tennis, hot weather, lack of water. I'm worried. I know it isn't serious, but still, I want to see her happy and smiling. Funny thing is that when Mrs wanted to ask me a question I barked at her. I had no good reason, just not willing to let go of my concern for the girl. I had a bad attitude.

What am I going to say next time daughter has a bad attitude? If I am honest it will be

This hypocrite tells you to knock off the bad attitude!

At least that will be honest.

Coons and corn

Our corn patch has been ransacked by coons. You know, those "cute" bandits. Six months of tilling, fertilizing, weeding, watering, waiting. The eager anticipation of harvest and a winter of sweet corn from our own small plot gone in one night. We still have enough to save, but how? Why?

The problem is not in the feelings of anger at the coons? Seems to me that would be normal. It is the frustration of plans gone astray that really gets under my skin. We had planned to do good things with the corn. Feed ourselves and maybe some less fortunate neighbors (the two legged variety). Now we get to spend a lot of time, effort and money to coon proof what remains.

The problem for me is still the "why". Why do I care about corn? I can buy more. I have enough to eat, and I can always buy an extra bag for my neighbor if I really want to feed them. At the end of all my excuses it comes down to the "waste" of my time and energy. All that effort wasted on a coon.

Maybe the effort was wasted before the coons showed up?

Time that counts

I don't like shopping all that much. Never really have. I get grumpy and want everyone to just get what they need. So when we were out at the mall this weekend I was surprised to find that I was having a good time. Me being the inquisitive person I am tried to figure out why. Suddenly my thoughts were disturbed by the boy asking me a question. It was then that I realized it was his telling me the stories of all the funning things we had seen or done in this store or that store that made this particular trip fun.

It suddenly dawned on me that our best memories, the ones we both see as real fun, are not the big trips or planned excursion. Turns out that it's the little times, the everyday memories that will always mean the most to us.

The golden rule in practice

The idea of "do unto others" always seems to be connected to good things. Things like giving good gifts, helping someone move, maybe letting someone in front of us in line. Recently I have had to consider this particular aspect of the golden rule a little differently. We need to look at the second half first though.

"as you would have other do unto you" is a bit problematic. I want folks to be nice, yes, but I also want them to listen to me, consider what I say thoughtfully, take my advice if they ask for it, and if they don't ask for it, don't argue unless there is something so incredibly wrong with my position that I am in danger of a moral breach. It seems that "do unto others" just became very ugly. Instead of being me, I need to be "the person I want everyone else to be".

The irony for me is that the person I most admire seems to be walking proof of the golden rule. I find that when I am around him my approach is better, my attitude is cooperative and the results are much better. This gives evidence that we get the very attitudes and actions that we give. Both the good and the bad.

I think I am going to go out on a limb and rewrite the golden rule to:

Be unto others, the person that you want them to be to you.

Old and unhappy

My daughter's coach and I disagree. "Don't make tennis your life or you'll be old and unhappy." I understand the coaches point, but I wonder if Michael Jordan's coach ever said that to his team?

I look at my cube walls every day at work and want to see the sky. I sit on my can and get soft and squishy. I am more than a decade older than the coach and the rut of my life is almost deep enough to be a grave. Which puts me in an interesting position. The kid wants to make money playing tennis. I have encouraged her to pursue this goal. Now we have a person who does make money with a racket and they are "old and unhappy". What do I do?

I tell the kid that you don't find happiness in your surroundings or job. You find happiness in yourself.

Futility

1. Sitting at a desk on a bright sunny day

2. Thinking about #1.

Quality time

I wonder if we over think quality time.

In 1952 were Chevys all that the special? What about Model T? Today they are both considered valuable. While the original owners may have valued their vehicles, the vehicles were not necessarily considered "exceptional" in quality.

It we apply the same principle to our time spent with family, then maybe the real value is not in the quality, but in the memories of time spent together.

Disappointment

I like wild birds. Not sure why, but I do. Late last year I started putting up bird feeders and now we are over run with birds. My favorites are the woodpeckers. We have downy, hairy, red bellied, yellow shafted flicker, and pileated. They eat from our feeders and we smile at the mess they make. Sure the doves are sweet, and the gold finches pretty, but when that pileated gets to pounding a hole in a log … How can you not appreciate their uniqueness?

Two days ago I was startled by a loud bang from one of the screens (we have those old metal screens). I took a quick look out the window and saw one of the newly fledged downey woodpeckers, a male, lying motionless on the deck. When I was near enough to notice, I realized he was still breathing, so I picked him up, put him in a box and hoped for the best. Nothing more than a stunned bird.

Turns out I was in for disappointment. 24 hours later the bird was dead. The disappointing part was that 3 hours after the collision he was pecking my hand hard enough to draw blood. That gave me hope that a recovery was in the works. Now I get to have a bird funeral.

As I whined to myself I started to think about why I was disappointed. I have always wanted a pet bird. Something unique. A wood pecker definitely filled that bill. The downey was such a bully in spite of its small size (smaller than a sparrow) that I always rooted for it to get the best suet from the feeder. Really though, it was the fact that all my plans, plans based on the bird recovering came to nothing.

This is where I think disappointment gets interesting. See, I couldn't have been disappointed without hope. Hope is a foundation of faith (Hebrews 11:1), not the foundation, a foundation. If I place my spiritual hope in the wrong thing, as I grow in my relationship with God that hope will be seen for what it is, misplaced. This means that disappointment is a natural part of faith.

The danger here is the idea that disappointed hope somehow means God has abandoned us. Our disappointment does not come from God, but from the realization that our hope was poorly placed.

Three Stooges

I found a lost episode of The Three Stooges last night. Never before seen. There were about 30 folks watching it with me. Larry and Curly were there, but Moe wasn't. So I guess is was The Two Stooges. At least I think it was Larry and Curly, given that the actors were all of 4 years old it was hard to tell. The theme was there, head slaps, eye gouge, hair pulls. At least until "mom" got embarrassed enough to try to stop it.

Maybe the kids watch too much of that mixed martial art with dad.

Connecting

My wife has nieces which means I have them too. I have enough trouble connecting with my own daughter making it pretty interesting for me when we have a family get together. As the girls have gotten older I have found points of shared interest with the older girls. The youngest though is still … young.

Turns out she like to throw things. Not a malicious thrower, she just thinks it is fun. This is great if you are playing ball, not so great at the dinner table. Or at my desk. With the computer. The one I use to make money. The real expensive one.

Just so happens that last time she was here she came to visit me in the office. Where I was pretending to work. I noticed she kept staring at the birds just before she would think about throwing something. Something like a hard drive array. In a moment of desperate inspiration I asked

"Do you want to help me feed the birds?"

Which involves throwing and birds.

Uncle Jaysen wins.

Is being a dad hard?

First, let me say that this is not about politics. This is about the reality of parenting.

Here is a wonderful add showing just why President Obama is, in my mind, one of the most intelligent men of our day.

There are longer versions of this add that are worth listening to.

In principal there is nothing wrong with this add. In reality this add sets an authoritative principle that is probably the most dangerous thing I have heard lately. Primarily that being a dad "doesn't have to be hard, all it takes is a few minutes of your time."

The danger here is the idea that being a dad should be an easy "task" in your day. Of all the "good dads" that I know, not one of them believes that being dad is anything but hard and all consuming. Being a dad is about more than dinner, playing games, asking a few questions. The reality is that being a dad involves deciding when to say no, proper discipline, and being willing to give everything you have.

A slightly more insidious problem is the person watching this who struggles with "being dad" and sees their efforts as a failure. What do they see in this? Confirmation of their failure, an excuse to quit, proof that the problem is someone else? Kind of like the person who never tries because they are not qualified. I know that feeling because I see myself that way.

While I respect President Obama's position and believe that it is held with the best of intents, I feel that dad's need to remember that they have one of the toughest, most demanding, longest running jobs. Raising kids.

I'm just glad I am not a mom. That job is real hard.

Stream of conscio ... nonsense

At what point do I stop the meaningless words? I know they are kids, but a jackhammer would be less annoying. That noise would serve a purpose. This … this is just nonsense.

The tongue is a small part of the body …

James 3 makes an interesting point about the danger of not controlling your tongue. Sure the babbling is harmless now but habits start small and end with large disasters. I know from experience.

Growing up my parents treated me to a nightly snack. A little ice cream or popcorn. Now my night is not complete without it. This habit, which was innocent and a demonstration of my parents love, developed into me eating half gallons of ice cream every night. No wonder I am obese.

The corruption of innocence is what sin brings to man. As a parent, a father, don't I have a responsibility to stop "innocent habits" that have a high potential to lead to corruption?

When dad is sick

Men like to fix things. Maybe not just "like to" but we feel that we need to. That is our job, right? And sickness is just the body broken, isn't it? Thinking of my reaction to when the kids or the Mrs is ill, I see it just this way. I want to fix them and get life back on track.

What happens when the man, the husband, the dad is the one that is sick? Do we try to fix ourselves? Do we pretend that nothing is wrong? Do we expect others to wait on us hand and foot like we are gods? I think how we deal with sickness is pretty telling about who men really are.

Let's look at me. I have a tendency to pretend that I am fine. Keep right on chugging along until the engine is completely wrecked. I might take an aspirin, but I don't really stop. As a matter of fact I have a flu bug while I am writing this. While I don't think I expect this from the kids or the wife, I think evidence would prove me wrong. Which means that instead of fixing, I have actually destroyed. May be just a few lung cells, but sill, something has been destroyed.

Big deal.

Actually it is. Here is why. Sin is spiritual sickness, right? And if my attitude toward physical sickness it to pretend that it doesn't exist, then why would I expect my attitude toward spiritual sickness to be any different? And even worse, wouldn't I expect others to put on a similar front, a false cover, on their spiritual sickness?

Which means that first I lie to myself about my state of health, then I demand that others lie to me about their state of health. In either the physical or spiritual realm, I demand hypocrisy from myself and others. I want to look healthy while I slowly decay from sickness.

I suspect you are reading this saying "I sure am glad I am not you!" I would ask you to look at yourself, a real long, hard look and make sure that you really are different. The "fixer" and "wait on me" have their own problems but I don't want to comment on them. There are more attitudes out there, and somewhere there is the attitude of God.

What I really want to say is I think we, as men, need to do a much better job of being honest with ourselves about how we deal with sickness. Both the physical kind and the spiritual kind. We need to be certain that our attitudes change inside us first so that the outward demonstrations are not those of a hypocrite. And we need to make sure that what is inside is really God, not just another work of ourselves.

What does it take to change the world?

Last night we watched Amazing Grace. This raised, again, the questions that I am always fighting with. Namely:

1. What does one need to be willing to give to change the world?

2. How does one actually go about changing the world?

I will not pretend to have answers to these. As a matter of fact I don't think these are answerable questions. Look at Mother Theresa and Bill Gates. Both have changed the world for the better, but no one would suggest that they made anything approaching "in kind" sacrifices. What does this mean?

I think parents need to be careful how we portray "world changing". It is easy to set up goals or stereotypes that are, quite honestly, impossible. Bill Gates could never be Mother Theresa, Likewise Mother Theresa could never have been Bill Gates. Yet both are well beyond me. Does that mean that I can never change the world?

Let's be honest. Yes. And no. Not every person is here to make global contributions to the suffering masses. But we are all able to change someone's world. I can show my children what it means to love, what caring looks like, how to be generous. I can live a life my neighbors envy, not for its financial prosperity, but for its peace and contentment.

A one man revolution? Maybe. At least my world will be changed.