Disagreement

It seems to me that disagreements are just a fact of life. Somethings don't matter, say which is better, chocolate or strawberry ice cream? Other things do matter, such as is slavery wrong? The worst case though is that one person thinks the issue is unimportant while the other finds it extremely important. This is there I find myself with Mrs. Often. Sometimes I think an issue is not important other times she will think an issue is unimportant. What do you do?

You argue. Not the raised voices kind (although that does happen), but the classic debate style of argue. You have to explain your position in such a way that the other person sees the issue with the same importance as you. Keep in mind that at the same time, you must try to see the other persons position as well. They may be right and you may need to change your position.

There are two problems that I frequently run into with debating the importance of an issue:

1. Knowing my position and why I hold it.
2. Being able to articulate the the why once I know it.

The first point is where I feel most shouting matches start. I feel it, but don't know it. I get frustrated, throw in a little bit of attitude and you get full blown anger. From there name calling is just a shoulder shrug away. You have you be "big enough" to say:

I don't know why I feel this way right now. Can we talk about this after dinner so I can figure out how I feel?

Of course you have to give the other person the same courtesy. Don't forget that you need to be the person you want others to be to you. Take the time given, shut yourself away, and figure it out. Don't give up until you know what you feel and why you feel it. Anything else and you have proven that you don't care enough about the other person to really have a right to disagree.

The second point is one that is easier, if not more time consuming, to overcome. Learn what words mean. Not the absolute definition, although that helps, but what the difference is between closely related words. Take love and like. It is not uncommon to say "i love ice cream". While there is nothing wrong with this sentence, what does it do to love when you then say "I love you dear"? Wouldn't it be better to say "I like ice cream, but I love you dear'"? Misusing a word lessens its value. Use the right words. All the time. If you think this is pedantic, consider the fact that trademarks exist for just this reason.

What is my point? Disagreements happen and are not bad. Take the time know your reasoning and explain it clearly then give an honest listen to the other party. From this base consensus can be built and progress will be made, together.

Now I need to go practice what I preach with Mrs. I owe her an explanation.