I know fall doesn't start for another month, but in the last week temperatures have dropped nearly 20 degrees. For example, it is only 48ºF right this minute. Not bad if it was November, December, January, or February. But it isn't and we are refusing to accept that summer may be over this year.
Which is why we are sitting at the breakfast table in shorts and tee-shirts wrapped in blankets.
Daughter had a choice. #3 singles and occasional doubles on varsity, or #1 singles on JV. She worked terribly hard and … well, pick your metaphor to say "a lot harder than most kids seemed to work". I would have pushed her to go varsity and face the fact that she would lose a few, if not most matches. Call it character building.
Her decision surprised me. She picked JV. And now she is the team captain. Which means she is working twice as hard as she would have if she were on varsity. Now she has a group of peers to help achieve a goal of a winning season.
This compromise is one I am happy to make.
Ted Kennedy has died.
It wasn't until I started to think about what I know, and started to hear reports of his private actions as a senator that I realized he was a great man. I mentioned this at work and was immediately told of all the bad things that he had admittedly done. This lead to an interesting discussion about the difference between good and great.
A good person does many things that are admirable and few that lessen their value in the view of others. Mother Theresa is the consummate good person. A great person is, to me, one who has made mistakes, acknowledges those mistakes, then overcomes not only the consequences of those mistakes, but adapts themselves to become as good a person as possible. The great person may never be "good" because, his mistakes, as in Ted Kennedy's case, may haunt them the for rest of their lives. The great, though, accepts the ghost of the past, and fights to show that even the fallen can change the world.
Ted Kennedy was a great man. Let us remember how he fell from grace and how he worked to redeem his name.
I wish this post involved a commode, but it doesn't. The head in question is the one on my shoulders. It happened like this. A while back I was "forced" to do something that I felt was needlessly placing extra effort on my shoulders. As time passed additional changes happened and eventually things broke. The solution that "they' come up with involved more work for me. Big deal, right?
Well if you are like me it is. The problem isn't the work, but the constant push to do things over the objections of the one to whom things are being pushed. It is not just "unfair" it is unjust. And here is where we start to see the core of the issue. Justice may not be mine to claim or enforce. Have I been unjust in my "pushing" things to others? What about laundry, or dinner? Maybe mowing the grass or racking leaves? How can I cry for justice in this situation when in all likelihood I have stood in violation of the very justice I desire?
And here is where I start to look for a hiding place. Ready? If you look at the times you are "righteously indignant" how often does that righteousness extend beyond the one incident in question? I bet it is not as far as you think it is.
We should not give up on justice. Without it we are lost. At the same time we must make sure that we bring credit to the justice we demand by making sure that our actions exhibit the very justice we are seeking. At all times.
Mrs and I were sitting at a café having a coffee. We were talking about our lives when I asked her "what is the the purpose of our lives?" She replied with a list of goals that we both agreed are very important to us. As we talked about what I really meant by purpose, we came to realize that our various plans for life had little to do with what we felt the purpose of our lives is to be. The thing is, until that moment I had never really separated the two concepts. Here is what we left that café with.
1. Our goals for our lives should show that we are living our purpose.
2. Our purpose is the why behind all our actions.
If I believe that my purpose in life is to leave an inheritance for my kids, then my goals should all show savings and sane investment. If my purpose is humanitarianism then all my actions should be driven by my love of mankind.
We all have a purpose whether we choose to admit it or not. Until we come to grips with our purpose though, we can never find satisfaction in achieving our goals.
It seems to me that disagreements are just a fact of life. Somethings don't matter, say which is better, chocolate or strawberry ice cream? Other things do matter, such as is slavery wrong? The worst case though is that one person thinks the issue is unimportant while the other finds it extremely important. This is there I find myself with Mrs. Often. Sometimes I think an issue is not important other times she will think an issue is unimportant. What do you do?
You argue. Not the raised voices kind (although that does happen), but the classic debate style of argue. You have to explain your position in such a way that the other person sees the issue with the same importance as you. Keep in mind that at the same time, you must try to see the other persons position as well. They may be right and you may need to change your position.
There are two problems that I frequently run into with debating the importance of an issue:
The first point is where I feel most shouting matches start. I feel it, but don't know it. I get frustrated, throw in a little bit of attitude and you get full blown anger. From there name calling is just a shoulder shrug away. You have you be "big enough" to say:
I don't know why I feel this way right now. Can we talk about this after dinner so I can figure out how I feel?
Of course you have to give the other person the same courtesy. Don't forget that you need to be the person you want others to be to you. Take the time given, shut yourself away, and figure it out. Don't give up until you know what you feel and why you feel it. Anything else and you have proven that you don't care enough about the other person to really have a right to disagree.
The second point is one that is easier, if not more time consuming, to overcome. Learn what words mean. Not the absolute definition, although that helps, but what the difference is between closely related words. Take love and like. It is not uncommon to say "i love ice cream". While there is nothing wrong with this sentence, what does it do to love when you then say "I love you dear"? Wouldn't it be better to say "I like ice cream, but I love you dear'"? Misusing a word lessens its value. Use the right words. All the time. If you think this is pedantic, consider the fact that trademarks exist for just this reason.
What is my point? Disagreements happen and are not bad. Take the time know your reasoning and explain it clearly then give an honest listen to the other party. From this base consensus can be built and progress will be made, together.
Now I need to go practice what I preach with Mrs. I owe her an explanation.
She made it. She worked hard, focused, overcame obstacles and is currently #2. Who cares that she isn't #1, she shouldn't even be competing in the top 10 if you consider experience, and total time playing. Hard work and dedication. She is successful. It is the happy, beautiful, contented smile on her face when she says "I am number 2!"
My daughter is my hero. Someday, if I follow her example, I will be as successful as she is.
We finally got one. This morning we had a coon in the trap. Looking guilty with all its handy work as a back drop, it was huddled right up against the door. I had resolved to destroy the animal, assuming I caught one, but now I had to figure out how. In a giant flash of inspiration it dawned on me that I could call the animal control folks and the village might take care of it for me (in reality it was the Mrs. idea, but I stole it!). A phone call later I found out that I had the right to destroy the animal by state law, but in fact there was no humane way to terminate a coon. Not only that, but it is forbidden to release an animal into the wild without a license. Oh and transporting it if also "against the law". Finally releasing it into the village is a violation as well. Here I am, coon in a cage, trying to pick which law to break.
…
I hope the ability to show mercy is what separates us from the animals. I will go to jail willingly for this crime.
Procrastination is not the right name for it. It isn't a lack of desire to do the job, but succumbing to the realization that starting now will be more difficult than starting the job when there is time to complete it. The problem is that there is never enough time to do the job right. Today it was groceries. Tomorrow it will be tennis and the lawn. The day after will be garden time with the boy.
Am I lazy? Not really. Once I get started the job will get done and it will be darn near perfect. More then likely I will never start though. Tomorrow will be a better time to start.
it is a quagmire of self doubt and self pity that will reduce your life to a series of unstarted tasks that never get done. I know. I am putting mine off until tomorrow.
The daughter is not well. Lots of tennis, hot weather, lack of water. I'm worried. I know it isn't serious, but still, I want to see her happy and smiling. Funny thing is that when Mrs wanted to ask me a question I barked at her. I had no good reason, just not willing to let go of my concern for the girl. I had a bad attitude.
What am I going to say next time daughter has a bad attitude? If I am honest it will be
This hypocrite tells you to knock off the bad attitude!
At least that will be honest.
Our corn patch has been ransacked by coons. You know, those "cute" bandits. Six months of tilling, fertilizing, weeding, watering, waiting. The eager anticipation of harvest and a winter of sweet corn from our own small plot gone in one night. We still have enough to save, but how? Why?
The problem is not in the feelings of anger at the coons? Seems to me that would be normal. It is the frustration of plans gone astray that really gets under my skin. We had planned to do good things with the corn. Feed ourselves and maybe some less fortunate neighbors (the two legged variety). Now we get to spend a lot of time, effort and money to coon proof what remains.
The problem for me is still the "why". Why do I care about corn? I can buy more. I have enough to eat, and I can always buy an extra bag for my neighbor if I really want to feed them. At the end of all my excuses it comes down to the "waste" of my time and energy. All that effort wasted on a coon.
Maybe the effort was wasted before the coons showed up?
I don't like shopping all that much. Never really have. I get grumpy and want everyone to just get what they need. So when we were out at the mall this weekend I was surprised to find that I was having a good time. Me being the inquisitive person I am tried to figure out why. Suddenly my thoughts were disturbed by the boy asking me a question. It was then that I realized it was his telling me the stories of all the funning things we had seen or done in this store or that store that made this particular trip fun.
It suddenly dawned on me that our best memories, the ones we both see as real fun, are not the big trips or planned excursion. Turns out that it's the little times, the everyday memories that will always mean the most to us.
The idea of "do unto others" always seems to be connected to good things. Things like giving good gifts, helping someone move, maybe letting someone in front of us in line. Recently I have had to consider this particular aspect of the golden rule a little differently. We need to look at the second half first though.
"as you would have other do unto you" is a bit problematic. I want folks to be nice, yes, but I also want them to listen to me, consider what I say thoughtfully, take my advice if they ask for it, and if they don't ask for it, don't argue unless there is something so incredibly wrong with my position that I am in danger of a moral breach. It seems that "do unto others" just became very ugly. Instead of being me, I need to be "the person I want everyone else to be".
The irony for me is that the person I most admire seems to be walking proof of the golden rule. I find that when I am around him my approach is better, my attitude is cooperative and the results are much better. This gives evidence that we get the very attitudes and actions that we give. Both the good and the bad.
I think I am going to go out on a limb and rewrite the golden rule to:
Be unto others, the person that you want them to be to you.
My daughter's coach and I disagree. "Don't make tennis your life or you'll be old and unhappy." I understand the coaches point, but I wonder if Michael Jordan's coach ever said that to his team?
I look at my cube walls every day at work and want to see the sky. I sit on my can and get soft and squishy. I am more than a decade older than the coach and the rut of my life is almost deep enough to be a grave. Which puts me in an interesting position. The kid wants to make money playing tennis. I have encouraged her to pursue this goal. Now we have a person who does make money with a racket and they are "old and unhappy". What do I do?
I tell the kid that you don't find happiness in your surroundings or job. You find happiness in yourself.
I wonder if we over think quality time.
In 1952 were Chevys all that the special? What about Model T? Today they are both considered valuable. While the original owners may have valued their vehicles, the vehicles were not necessarily considered "exceptional" in quality.
It we apply the same principle to our time spent with family, then maybe the real value is not in the quality, but in the memories of time spent together.
I like wild birds. Not sure why, but I do. Late last year I started putting up bird feeders and now we are over run with birds. My favorites are the woodpeckers. We have downy, hairy, red bellied, yellow shafted flicker, and pileated. They eat from our feeders and we smile at the mess they make. Sure the doves are sweet, and the gold finches pretty, but when that pileated gets to pounding a hole in a log … How can you not appreciate their uniqueness?
Two days ago I was startled by a loud bang from one of the screens (we have those old metal screens). I took a quick look out the window and saw one of the newly fledged downey woodpeckers, a male, lying motionless on the deck. When I was near enough to notice, I realized he was still breathing, so I picked him up, put him in a box and hoped for the best. Nothing more than a stunned bird.
Turns out I was in for disappointment. 24 hours later the bird was dead. The disappointing part was that 3 hours after the collision he was pecking my hand hard enough to draw blood. That gave me hope that a recovery was in the works. Now I get to have a bird funeral.
As I whined to myself I started to think about why I was disappointed. I have always wanted a pet bird. Something unique. A wood pecker definitely filled that bill. The downey was such a bully in spite of its small size (smaller than a sparrow) that I always rooted for it to get the best suet from the feeder. Really though, it was the fact that all my plans, plans based on the bird recovering came to nothing.
This is where I think disappointment gets interesting. See, I couldn't have been disappointed without hope. Hope is a foundation of faith (Hebrews 11:1), not the foundation, a foundation. If I place my spiritual hope in the wrong thing, as I grow in my relationship with God that hope will be seen for what it is, misplaced. This means that disappointment is a natural part of faith.
The danger here is the idea that disappointed hope somehow means God has abandoned us. Our disappointment does not come from God, but from the realization that our hope was poorly placed.
I found a lost episode of The Three Stooges last night. Never before seen. There were about 30 folks watching it with me. Larry and Curly were there, but Moe wasn't. So I guess is was The Two Stooges. At least I think it was Larry and Curly, given that the actors were all of 4 years old it was hard to tell. The theme was there, head slaps, eye gouge, hair pulls. At least until "mom" got embarrassed enough to try to stop it.
Maybe the kids watch too much of that mixed martial art with dad.
My wife has nieces which means I have them too. I have enough trouble connecting with my own daughter making it pretty interesting for me when we have a family get together. As the girls have gotten older I have found points of shared interest with the older girls. The youngest though is still … young.
Turns out she like to throw things. Not a malicious thrower, she just thinks it is fun. This is great if you are playing ball, not so great at the dinner table. Or at my desk. With the computer. The one I use to make money. The real expensive one.
Just so happens that last time she was here she came to visit me in the office. Where I was pretending to work. I noticed she kept staring at the birds just before she would think about throwing something. Something like a hard drive array. In a moment of desperate inspiration I asked
"Do you want to help me feed the birds?"
Which involves throwing and birds.
Uncle Jaysen wins.
